Mother: The woman you should always love no matter what….

When people say time flies, I sometimes wonder what they are talking about. However, yesterday was one of the days that give me goose bumps and make me wonder a lot about what would have been. I remember so vividly when she would come to visit me in school, the way we hanged out and she would tell me to take care of myself and to have direction in my life. It was even worse coz I never lived with her, so I keep wondering what would have happened if she was here. Would I have finished high school and stayed with her until I became independent? Would our bond have become more solid when I was an adult? Would she have cried at my graduation? Would I have seen the pride in her eyes? Would I be where I am today?  I wonder who will walk me down the aisle…. I think about it more than I would care to admit. This is just a tiny glimpse of what I think of.

Ten years ago yesterday, I lost the woman who carried me for nine months in her womb. The one who wiped my dirty nose, cleaned my poop, taught me how to be responsible, beat me if I had not blown my nose when I needed to, if I ate with my mouth open, if I played where I was not supposed to. The one took me to high school to inquire when the was an error with the admission letter, convinced me that I should not worry just because I was bottom twenty in that admission list, the one who saw success in my life even before I did. To be honest, time heals all wounds apart from this one. It still hurts, I still cry when I think of her. It still seems like yesterday. Thank God for the special people in my life who continue to support me through life and keep me hopeful and focused. I miss my Mummy so much.

I know that mothers can drive you up the wall, make you wanna go somewhere so far away. I know some people are so excited to leave home and not have to bare it anymore. But what I know best is not having that mother to do all the good things and the bad that they do. And I wish so many times that I had that. So wherever you are today, thank God for that precious woman in your life. No matter the issues you have with her, the fact that she is within reach is what should matter most to you. Treat her with respect and show her how much you love and appreciate her. Celebrate her presence every minute of every day.

May my Mummy Rest In Peace……

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Appreciate the little even as you work towards having more

Today my beautiful sister made me breakfast and this is a big deal coz she loves to sleep so, I felt special that she would wake up for such a sweet gesture. As I walked out of the house, I had this bursting energy, thanking God for life. Outside the weather was a bit gloomy, it looked like it would rain and I asked God silently for it not to rain as my hair would be destroyed. As I sat in the bus, different people walked in, some sad, some happy, some indifferent. I wondered why there was so much difference in people’s reaction. An old guy sat next to me and midway through the journey, he answered his phone and unfortunately I beeped on his vibe. He talked about giving a talk to class eight children on how to be successful and work towards achieving their dreams. What I liked about this was he wants to see children become a success, enjoy this life and work towards their future.

In relation to the people in the bus, some were inspired when young and they worked hard and embraced life. Rather than being put down by their failures, they used them to learn how to make things better and today they can smile as they walk in to the bus. The ones who gave up earlier are now gloomy, frustrated and wondering how the next meal will get to the table, how the kids will go through school among many other things. Indeed giving up only makes life harder.

I would love to challenge everyone; life sometimes does not turn out how we want it. However, you wake up in the morning, you can see the sun shining, you can walk to that bus, and you can talk, hear, taste and smell. Your alive – this life is worth something! What if you were paralyzed? Or you could not smell the flowers or see the beautiful sunshine? Let’s learn to appreciate the small things and look at them as inspiration that this life is worth something. If you have failed, pick yourself up and try again. If you have given up on the job u have, think of the guy with 6 children and no job. Think of the guy who cannot smell that rose by the roadside or listen to music while bored in traffic.

Appreciate the little even as you work towards having MORE……

Appreciate that God has given you life, another day… Many would have wanted to see this day

Appreciate that your family’s health and yours are good

Appreciate that you have people who love and care for you and always remember to tell them how you feel….

Dedication to my Sister – Annie…..

I remember meeting her as we were going for lunch with my brothers; she said hi and chatted a bit then left. From her looks you could see she had style, a bit of attitude and a lovely smile. I remember the first party she attended for the small group then (which has grown to be our second family which is quite big now), she was quiet, looking around and only talking to G. She did some interesting things that day like spiking of something but that dirty laundry is for another day.

Today this beautiful lady was born, about forty five years ago he he he … It’s so amazing the way you get people in your lives who turn out to be angels sent by God. For a long time I struggled with losing my mum and looking for a person to give me direction in certain feminine issues, someone I could talk to and ask anything without feeling like it was too personal. There are many family members I could talk to but this beautiful girl, I am able to share anything knowing she has the time to listen, think about and give me an answer whether I want to hear it or not. She has had experience with this life and is a great big sister to many.

I appreciate the fact that she does not show her emotions and feelings like some of us do, it’s her personality, but she lets me; know in her own way how much love she has for me. I admire her dedication and love for her family and friends, her genuine concern and selflessness for the people in her life.

I remember her excitement and anxiety when she was about to get her beautiful daughter. I saw the love in her eyes, when she held their baby in her arms the first day and more than a year later I see even more love when she plays with her daughter, when she and G are stealing a moment together to touch base and enjoy their family.

Thank U Annie for being in my life, for taking care of me like your blood sister. For all the times we laugh and hate, for your advice through this tough life, for your passion for family, for your honesty in all situations, for being an example that I am honored to follow and just for being U…

And Tanesh says 

My mummy is so cool. She teaches me how to laugh sarcastically, ‘gotta’, to dance ‘furi furi’, to smile, to say bye bye and huggie. I feel so bad when her n daddy go to work in the morning, but I know they want all the best for me. I am anxiously waiting to open the door when they get home in the evening. Thou they don’t fully understand my language, I say welcome back home mum n dad. I had missed you and I Love U.Happy Birthday Mummy…”

Happy Birthday Annie…

 

Second Chances…. Two Views

So I am having an interesting day today. One of the closest people in my life just revealed something I probably knew deep down but never really thought about it in another dimension. She says that “I love to give people second chances”… This could be interpreted in two ways, as a good thing or a bad thing, if those people probably don’t deserve it.

I believe I give second chances (in life in general) because I have learnt that sometimes you do things without thinking. I have done things in the past because I did not take time to think of the consequences, I mean I thought I was young and life had tonnes to offer, so why feel like I was getting less, when there was potential to get more? The other reason was probably that my way of thinking was different and so were my priorities. So looking back, I think that my mindset now is different and hence I would like a chance at doing it differently.  If I would expect that then I should also give it.

Now I am trying to look at it from another angle and I find myself wondering, could people take advantage when they know that the person they are dealing with is forgiving or considerate or just ‘too nice’?? Could it get to a level where they use such a character trait in someone to do things that might otherwise be termed as wrong or inconsiderate, because they know the receiving end will be kind enough to give them time to realize, change or take a different turn for the better??

Another thing is when does one realize that it might be a waste of time and just leave? Peyton said, “People always leave”. So when do we know when it’s time to leave?

I know my post today has quite a lot of questions, I guess I am looking for insight. Feel free to share your thoughts on this with me.

4 Books

Let me start by confessing, I haven’t read many books. To be honest, I am not a good reader but at least they will get to four. Kagori ( the lady who allowed me to pick this challenge from her ) described her books so well, I could feel her passion for reading… Now start with this then check out her’s coz this is a very rough draft compared to her master piece….

1. Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers — This book shows how a lady who hated herself and was disgusted by her lifestyle was shown unconditional love by God. Thou to us they may seem unworthy, to God he can redeem and make them new.. A love story that will bring you to tears.

2. Who moved my cheese? by Dr. Spencer Johnson — A simple book that speaks about change and how four different people handle it. It is so simple but carries so much weight in it.

3. Tell Me Your Dreams by Sidney Sheldon — A story about a lady who had multiple personalities and how each personality was entirely different from the other, how each was brought out and the frustrations she went through. I could see the images in my head and it was a very interesting read.

4. A Lineage of Grace by Francine Rivers — This is an amazing book with 5 stories put into one. Its about five women who God chose removing them from shame, desperation and frustrations to a place of respect and praise. Francine is a great author, she is so captivating and tells the stories so well that you get lost in the book. Many times I find myself so engrossed that I once passed my stop without realizing it, while reading it in the bus. I am in the 3rd story and this book is simply a MUST read.

Emotions PAP!

So for those who know Miss SheeGal , they know that emotional is her middle name. I went for second round for tears and got five buckets instead. Sad movies, weddings, especially when they are sharing a romantic moment, photos that show a deeper meaning, when am being yelled at or just when I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders , I CRY… Though some find it childish and others a sign of weakness, it brings me comfort and peace. I feel a bit lighter and from there I am able to fight with everything that I have got to move on, regain what I lost or just solve the issue at hand.

Today is one of those days, I was walking down memory lane and I was hit by a few hard, cold realities. It’s strange the way a statement, a photo or even a conversation can take you way back. And many times I question what would have been different, or how I would have avoided certain situations in my life then I remember that I am proud that I did not live in the ‘What if’. The result might have not been according to my expectation but at the very least I gave the situation or challenge a chance…

So I am slanting my chair looking out the window and having a bitter sweet feeling. I love who I have become and I promise not to let the sad times pull me down. I am not yet at the point of total peace but I am getting there and I can’t wait to recite this quote I heard on one of my favorite series Criminal Minds “ What happened in the past that was painful has a lot to do with who we are today