Dedication to My People, Dudes n Dudettes…

The day before yesterday, I was humbled beyond words. I have talked about special people in life but I have to emphasize on this as it made me want to cry. I am in a group of friends who are actually older than me; all are family to me either through blood or amazing friendship. Many times we meet, share a meal or a few drinks, bond, discuss business or just bum together. They have taught me most of the things I know through their actions, ideas, professions and advice. They are accepting to outsiders but if you cross anyone they would be willing to attack, harder than a charging rhino.

Lives have been changing and with family and jobs, sometimes we do not meet as often as we would like to. Thank goodness for social sites and texts, at least we chat once in a while. Being January, everyone was a bit cautious holding on to the final coins awaiting end month payment. On a sad note, a friend of ours lost their mum last week and she comes from about 200kms away. By Saturday, evening about five people had dedicated to going to see her, when they got the news. As word spread at about 9 o’clock in the evening, it would be difficult for people to make an impromptu trip early the next day. At least that’s what many would think. The amazing thing is by midnight, thirteen had confirmed to travel to pass our support and condolences. Not that we had money but there was need to be a support structure to one of us. I was/am humbled by such a selfless gesture. For one to take an entire day which is the relaxing day for many, down all their other plans, spare the money for the journey with its costs to be there not for recognition or to gain a thing, but to offer their love and comfort. Even the ones who could not make it, they were with us in spirit and heart.

We sometimes have arguments or disagree with the people in our lives but when you know the true meaning of friendship, u realize that no disagreement or difference in views should ever make you lose those special people in your life. Through great friendship, love and commitment, we have shared laughter, sorrow, wonderful company, meals, ‘jagers’, opinions, advice and many more.

My people, I appreciate and salute you for being wonderful family. I am so proud to be associated with you and I pray we will always take care of each other and have loooooooooooveeeeeee all around.

Cheers!!!!

A Dedication to a Very Special Person – Mwai Githinji

I loved the way you would stop over at Naks and make us run to the Total or Shell (not sure), to say hi while you were on your way to Kampala.

The days you would pop in my digz with the Nissan sunny ‘KAB XXXS’ just to see how I was doing

When you would take me out for pizza or burgers

All those vizos in high school that you never missed, even if you came at 5pm. So many people used to make noise coz the first thing I asked after saying ‘Hi’ was please give me ur phone I call Uncle Mwai. The way u knew my friends and took the time to just say hello and follow up from me how they were doing.

When I was a teenager (and even until now), when we would have the talk about boys. I am so grateful for that coz I know not many people have the guts to do it.

When you sacrificed and went to Kisumu for Mummy’s sake. You then supported me and came every day to see me till the day of the funeral and even after. You helped me choose the skirt I would wear and convinced me, when everyone else had not been able to, why I should not were jeans and flow with it.

Asante

When you allowed me the pleasure of meeting your lovely girlfriend and a greater honor when you (read u and aunty) chose me as a bridesmaid in your wedding.

When you encouraged me to always work towards my dreams.

When you came for my graduation.

When you wanted to sort out someone who hurt me, but listened when I asked you not to.

When we finally had the grown up talk. U sat and listened to my views, ideas on life and preferences.  You did not judge or impose your preferences, you advised and supported me.

When you came for Baba Lillian’s send off. A dad to a close friend and sister,that you knew through me and loved us like your daughters’.

This is just like a sixty fourth of the times you have been there for me and even though I don’t say it every day, you’re WONDERFUL! You are my support structure, my amazing friend and the most caring person I know. May all fathers, friends, husbands, uncles, relatives, strive to be like you and may God continue to bless you and provide for the desires of your heart.

Asante Sana Uncle Mwai.

Happy 21st (he he he) Birthday… May you have a thousand more.

I Love You to Bits….

Understanding People

Getting to a point of truly adjusting to other people is quite hard no matter how much you care for them. Sometimes, it’s so hard to live with someone or just have a conversation with a friend coz in your mind, u wonder what they are thinking? I have always been a bit disorganized; I will remove at least three different pairs of outfits before I can settle on the final one. So when I used to live alone, I would completely disorganize my wardrobe then come in the evening and sort it out. It worked and I did not feel any pressure anyway. So when I decided living alone was boring and lonely, I was blessed with the most awesome housemates (not to disclose too much). The only problem was out of the three, one of us is a serious neat freak. During the first days, they would explain to us and we would wonder what the big deal was. At times because of anger, it would be easier for them to arrange. Of course with time, it was too much work and we had to learn how to be organized. It was something I battled with for a while, got angry sometimes and even wanted to just stuff the clothes in the wardrobe without folding as a prank.  When it came to the dishes, one person preferred cleaning immediately while the other would pile. Indeed it was hard and even today sometimes we clash about things here and there but for sure, I have adjusted to being more tidy, I find myself folding clothes when I change, making sure the wardrobe is neat and tidy almost always, washing a utensil after use (not always) but I am really trying and it has made me a better person not to mention we are all comfortable.

In our lives, we have many situations that involve interactions with people. It could be work, family, friends, relationships etc.  One lesson I have learnt from the wardrobe saga is, people will always be different and to be able to understand them to the point of not being bothered or angry at small things:

  • Communication – say how u prefer to have things done, discuss each other’s point of view and come to solid conclusion based on what’s best.
  • Sacrifice – there will be issues where no one wants to back done and they want it done that way. How much would it change ur life, if u tried their way for some time? Would it make you a better person? Would it ensure you were able to meet your deadlines?
  • Appreciation – always say thank you even for the little things. It puts a smile on their face and makes them feel so special.
  • Spend time listening and spoiling them – people especially ladies love being listened to. I read an article the other day that was addressed to men and it just said ladies love talking about their day, being brought for a gift as tiny as a chocolate bar or a card just to make them feel special. Today I say even the men need that special treat. If its ur husband, dad, brother, friend – listen to the jargon about the cars and games, how the day went and take them for a drink or dinner just to show them u understand and care.

For now that’s what I have, it does not mean it’s will work for all situations but I hope it added value or shed some light on some of the things you could do differently to ensure you understand people and don’t feel shortchanged. However, for this to work well it must be reciprocated. Remember no one should consider you a priority if you consider them to be an option.

To Thine Self Be True

Someone very special to me (u know its u) used to say ‘ To thine self, be true’ and at that point, I pretended to understand it.Every one has a blonde moment. Many times we choose to do something not because we like it but, someone important does.

  • You start watching football coz ur boy/galfriend loves it and u wanna impress or try to understand him/her,
  • You sit thru a really boring movie or play, coz ur good friend is the director or producer,
  • You stand and dance, knowing how much you suck but trying to stop that hot girl from being snatched by a dancer,

These are just simple examples, but sometimes u go so far that u end up losing urself, what u believe in and stand for, what makes u tick and what makes u smile..

I speak from experience when i say that many are the times I havent been true to this beautiful, fun loving, intelligent and awesome gal I see in the mirror everyday and thou i dint know it at the time, i lost things i may never get back, conversations that would have led to success,opportunities that would make me happy, a smile that would have impressed a young brother and maybe even friends who saw me slack in my part of the relationship…

Luckily, life has taught me never to give up on friends, opportunities and gettin back up after a fall….

There is light at the end of the tunnel (and no its not just a train)..

If your not happy with something, change it.

If your comfortable with ur weighing scale having a +20 error, don’t pay attention to people’s comments.

If you think you deserve better, let no one treat u badly….

Ask yourself, what do I want to do? what i’m I comfortable with without compromising my values and beliefs? Always be honest with urself coz then and only then can you actually do what u want to do and not what you think you have to do…

TO THINE SELF, INDEED BE TRUE….

Urafiki wa Dhati

When I was younger, I talked a lot and was never shy. Strangely, these days I feel kinda shy and you would find me so quiet in a group of people I don’t know. So much so that people would deem me anti-social. I wish I had a good explanation why, I have no idea what happened. The ones who know me however, have enjoyed my loud voice and warm laughter and see no shyness but the real me. Anyway, my close friend reminded me yesterday about high school life. The friendships, the drama with all the girls and the hormonal imbalances involved, the bullies and the people I just could not stand and vice versa.

I remember the way it was serious friendship when you shared a room with someone. It was a sign of one having established the genuine friends and the people you would be comfortable living with. At that time we thought, the various groups we were in would keep our friendship steady and it would last forever. The same class, club, room or house etc. Of course at that time, our minds were too young or probably not exposed to the true personalities of the so called friends. Years later, I have counted friendships that have lasted (few) and those friends would agree with me that it takes effort to keep it going and learning to accept your friends with their strengths and weaknesses.

People indeed are very different; as there were girls who just needed people to make them famous, others needed to know a bully so that she would prevent them from being bullied by the rest, those who wanted to try out all their crazy ideas, yet even those who needed people to vent to or share their problems with. So when all these thirsts where quenched and they got their desires, the networks no longer seemed necessary. So after the four years, there are people I have never seen or spoken to and even when you meet them, they look at you with serious amnesia. For me, I am the least bit bothered but I tend to wonder what would be of someone who had no other friends or had shared everything with this person only for them to leave without even looking back.  One of my favourite series has an artist saying “People always leave”.

For the lasting friendships, they also go through many incidents and drama and its easy for there to be judgment or just for others to let go probably because they feel it’s one sided. The shielded environment in a boarding school sometimes made people act in a certain way to be able to sustain a certain group of ‘friends’. Of course once out in the real world, they no longer had that connection as it was time to drop the act. Now this is how we wondered what happened to the many friends we had. They might have feared rejection of their real selves or even just realized they had nothing in common anymore. Luckily, there are those who held on even when it was tough or hard and re-invented the friendship with effort and genuineness.

I thank God that I still have friends from school and it has not been easy. At some point the link almost got swallowed by all the other things we had going on in life but I am so grateful that we decided to put effort, make time in our busy schedules, chat and keep it solid. Today, we talk often and when we meet and remember where we came from, what we have been through together or even individually, just sharing makes us feel better and lucky that someone is there to help, to give a shoulder, to help you crack a rib or two and keep you going. So not everyone leaves!!

I have seen a group of about ten guys in a group, all with different lives and jobs but have been able to keep the friendship, invest in terms of ideas to better themselves and even got to the level of introducing their families too. Think how great it is that their children will be friends and it will be a lifetime of having a solid team always with you – a strong support structure. However, it’s an investment that needs effort, dedication and support from each and every member for it to succeed.

Remember an old friend you haven’t talked to in a while, draft a text, make a call, write a message on facebook, Reconnect. Make new friends, interact but remember to strike a balance and put in your share. It’s so refreshing to laugh and hangout with great friends, I wish I had more time to enjoy their great company..

Stress, Weight Hmmm?

Contrary to what most people think stress have weight gain repercussions. So I have added a couple(read more than I care to disclose) of kilos over the past 6 months and every time I meet with friends or acquaintances who haven’t seen me in a while, their first comment is that I am satisfied (directly translated from my mother tongue). Now in ordinary times, I would have agreed but then again most of my weight gain was when I was at the jobless corner. My point is nibbling here and there on what seems to be cheaper (read fries) is what makes the massive difference. It’s easy to acquire everywhere you go. In addition, I would sit and while having them sindikisha them with a cold fanta. Just as u enjoy the taste and grease, so does ur body smile/frown at the calories being added. My outlet was food.

So whenever I watched movie marathons, I would have soda or juice, fries for lunch, cake for snacking in between and supper at the end of the day. Well today, the weighing scale sees me and wants to run, far far far away! Even worse, is the way people keep commenting on the weight gain, others even going to the extent of suggesting a bun might be in the oven… Mean much??? Anyway, so after trying and quitting different methods of fighting this fat, I have learnt a valuable lesson. The faster the meal goes down, the more greasy,  the more delicious it is, the HARDER it is to get it off the body. Sigh..

 So since 2012 is the year for me, I am doing a couple of things here and there to lose the fat, make no mistake I don’t want to be thin or a size two, no no no African Woman is who I am and with pride. I just want to live healthy and be fit. The sight of me now after a fleet of stairs is saddening. I almost look like I am about to get an asthma attack (no pun intended).

The difference with all the other times is, I am enjoying it, doing it out of my own will and not being forced or coerced by people who love to comment and simply because I have accepted the situation and now DEALING WITH IT. Sometimes it takes loving and accepting urself as you are to make the changes that want you to be better at whatever the target is. It should not be about anyone else! If your comfortable in your skin, SO BE IT!!

And for all the African ladies, check out Curvy Designs on FB, they have great, fashionable outfits to go with that beautiful body!!

Burger Mishap!!

Ha ha ha just remembered those awkward or embarrassing moments that make you feel that you should have just stayed home or the ground might as well open up and swallow u.

One lunch afternoon, a great Uncle of mine decided to take us for lunch. It was those days when Galitos was Nandos and eating there was what you looked forward to the entire month or even longer. So here I am with Uncle and a boy (then) who is now a friend of mine. Considering it was the days when I was still young and didn’t want to look at guys in the eye bla bla bla, eating out with someone I was not very comfy with made me nervous. Anyway, we walk into Nandos and am smiling just at the thought of the yummy food I’m about to eat. We all ordered for burgers (I know, wrong choice when ur nervous and u don’t wanna make a mess. Then again it was a life time treat). We waited for a few minutes and finally the burger was ready.

Image

They always say ladies first, and that’s a good thing but to this day I thank God that day the men went before. As a climbed the stairs behind them, I missed a step and THE YUMMY BURGER I HAD BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO FOR MONTHS, fell before my very eyes! I dint know whether to cry, collect it like nothing happened or just rush to the bus stop, take a mat and go straight home. Considering mobile phones were scarce then, the later would not happen as my Uncle would be worried. So I put on a brave face and walked on, leaving the cleaner collecting it. A lady whispered sorry, but I was too sad to even thank her for her concern. By this time, they were comfortably seated having taken just a bite or two of their burgers.

When I got to the table, my friend asked how hungry I was that I had finished the burger already. I caught a chance and said I had eaten it while walking there (huge lump in my throat as I said this). For some reason they believed me, which was strange, seeing as everyone who knows me, knows I’m a slow eater. The most torturous part then followed; I watched them eat their burgers, holding back tears as I knew it just might be half a year until such an opportunity came knocking on my door. I was embarrassed, sad, hungry and frustrated, but the beauty of life is that now I can laugh about it and at least burgers are no longer that expensive. I just might have one today to remind myself of how valuable it once was then J